I was born and raised in a Christian home. When I was 7 years old I asked 
Jesus to be my savior at Vacation Bible School. Unfortunately, I did not 
follow him as Lord of my life. I lived for myself, for happiness and 
success but was always afraid of dying. Over the years my spiritual 
life grew very little.

In 1990 at age 42 I was diagnosed with cancer of the lymph system. I said: 
"God, I’m not ready to die." The next year, I underwent a bone marrow 
transplant which destroyed the cancer. I thanked God and went on living 
for myself.

Six years later my marriage and my career were both headed south. My mother 
was dying and I was depressed. Chasing after happiness and success was not 
working. Then God gave me just what I needed. In March of 1998 the cancer 
returned and my doctor gave me 2 years to live

Suddenly it was very obvious to me that I could not control my life. The 
only thing I could do was give Jesus control. I needed to live for Him and
eternity instead of living for me and what was left of this life. By His 
grace, I was able to make that change.

He blessed my choice by drawing me close to Him. He gave my wife and I a love 
for each other that we had not had since we were young. He gave me a new love 
for my children. He taught me how to take better care of my body by eating 
better foods. He gave me very good health even though cancer was growing 
inside of me. He gave me a real appreciation for each new day of life. He took
away my fear of death and gave me real peace in my heart. He gave me a desire 
to read His word, to talk to Him and to share my faith with others. Now I know 
the real meaning of life. That is to Glorify Him in everything I do.

There are a couple of passages that I can really relate to: In John 12:25 Jesus 
says: "The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his 
life in this world will keep it for eternal life."… I lived for this life 
and lost it, but when He helped me to give it up and live for Him, then He
gave me real life.

In 2 Cor. 4:16,18 Paul says: "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly
we are wasting away, (outwardly my body is wasting away with cancer) yet 
inwardly we are being renewed day by day (spiritually I’m being renewed every 
day).....So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, (this life) but on what is 
unseen (eternal life). For what is seen is temporary, but what is 
unseen is eternal".

During the past three years God has been very close to me and has poured out 
His blessings on me. I have felt His wonderful love. And although I constantly 
ask God to take away the cancer, I must tell you that if I could trade my life 
as it is today for my life as it was at any time before my cancer, I would never 
go back. I’d never give up the blessings I have today in exchange for a 
cancer-free life with me at the controls. I believe I have a wonderful future 
whether I live a day, a year or 20 years. I’m looking forward to that future 
for two reasons: 1) My future includes eternal life with God in heaven; and 2)
God is in control. He says that He’ll work out all things for the good of those 
who love Him. I believe His words are true.

Randall Berens
Rfberens@yahoo.com