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Brought Out of The Mud



My testimony is a regular one for people who grew up in church. My 
parents are both Christians, and they brought me to church all the 
time. I have absolutely no excuse to miss, and my Sunday school 
teachers knew that. I went to two Christian schools from kindergarten 
through ninth grade. I accepted Jesus at the age of five, but I 
never really let Him take control of my life until I was in the youth 
group at my church. I went on a yearly mission trips to different 
cities throughout the United States and proclaimed the gospel. I was 
very active in the youth group. I never missed a Sunday, but I was 
still very empty inside. I do not doubt my salvation, I just knew 
that I had never given Christ total control in my life. It's like I 
gave Him a seat in the corner of my heart, and I controlled the 
other 90% of me.

I never did speak curse words except when I was alone. I did think 
them a lot, though. Satan had won me over, and I was a casual Christian. 
I was a Christian just through saying the word. I acted happy at church, 
but I was sad on the inside. I have never told anyone this, so I am 
carefully wording this. I got involved in pornography when I was in 
eighth grade at a Christian school. I realized that I could simply 
check it out from the local library. It started as a curiosity then 
became an obsession. While in ninth grade, my parents purchased a 
computer and subscribed to the internet. Even before the computer 
was in our house, I knew what I wanted to do with it. Of course, I 
began looking up pornography websites and it became an addiction. I 
would sleep during the day and stay up all night checking out 
pornography, always getting deeper into it. My family caught me 
several times, and my parents grounded me from the computer several 
times, but they would forget about it and forget to watch me just 
long enough for me to get into it again. I tried to convince myself 
for a while that it didn't affect me, but I knew my spiritual life 
was suffering. I stopped going on youth events. I went to church 
only on Sunday mornings. I saw women in a different, perverted, 
lustful view. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I did go on a 
mission trip again that year. I was pornography-free for about 
two weeks, but I would get back into it immediately afterwards.

The worst think about all this is that no one at my church really 
knew about it. I was very good at hiding the truth. I remember all 
my feelings about it. My youth pastor had an idea that I was into 
stuff that I shouldn't have been, but he didn't really know the half 
of it. He brought me out for a soda, and the palms of my hands were 
sweating a lot. I just wouldn't speak to him. My personal time 
with God suffered and so did my grades. In my sophomore year, I 
began going to a public school, and I stopped looking at the 
pornography for a while. Whenever anyone asked me about stuff like 
that, I would just lie to them and switch subjects. God then blessed 
me with a job I was remained pornography-free only because my job, 
not because I had wanted too. God works in mysterious ways.

When I lost my job last February, I dove right back into pornography. 
It was the only sin I had had, but it took control of me. I could 
no longer do the things I wanted to. I even quit socializing with 
my friends because I had made pornography my only friend. Any time 
I could get alone at home was good for me. Then a friend confronted 
me about it at a Bible study, and I listened intently as he talked 
about how he had been into pornography and God had changed him. I 
didn't immediately accept his message. I still did my own thing, 
but God was still working in me. I am now 100% pornography-free by 
choice and by the grace of God. I went on a mission trip last week, 
and God broke my heart and reminded me about Jesus' death on the cross. 

I no longer have a will to look at pornography. I do still struggle 
with it when I come across Email or images of scantily-clad women, 
but God has pushed it away from me. He broke the cycle of sin in my 
life. Now I await my biggest challenge yet: college. God has already 
done some wonderful things for me. He put me in a nice dorm with a 
private bathroom and shower. He gave me the money I needed, and I 
didn't even have to search. He sent me a Christian room mate. 
Jeremiah 29:11. 

I hope that you have learned from my experience with pornography. 
I had listened to several people who have talked about it, but this 
is my testimony: it's personal. This is what I have had to go through 
to break free of that sin.

By the way, I titled this 'Brought Out of the Mud' because an 
evangelist, Steve Roloff, used to always use the word mud as an 
analogy for sin. I had heard this sermon twice, and every time it 
was just as wonderful. This is personal to me because God brought 
me out of the mud of pornography.



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